The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
