My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
