haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
