We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
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Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
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I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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