I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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