This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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