i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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