dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
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Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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