she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
