I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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