I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
