I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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