officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
