sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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