yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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