I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
