how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
sex in a hospital.. check
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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