Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
