New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
