I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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