She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
