I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So many bounce houses so little time
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
