I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
