Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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