I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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