I understand Curling. That high.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
