hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
