i would punch a child for taco bell
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
