if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
