So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
