you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
