I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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