based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
