is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Randomize
