in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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