I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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