Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
