is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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