oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
