Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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