Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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