Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It's Friday. Sex?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
