Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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