Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
