the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
