you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
