You did not just play the dead husband card again.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
