I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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