i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
