my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
