She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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