i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
