So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
