I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
