i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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