if you like me you must not know who I am
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
