You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
