The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My vagina just recognized that song.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
