Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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