Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
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I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
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He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize