My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
